MY BULB

"School failed me, and I failed the school. It bored me. The teachers behaved like Feldwebel (sergeants). I wanted to learn what I wanted to know, but they wanted me to learn for the exam. What I hated the most was the competitive system there, and especially sports. Because of this, I wasn't worth anything, and several times they suggested I leave. This was a Catholic School in Munich. I felt that my thirst for knowledge was being strangled by my teachers; grades were there only measurement. How can a teacher understand youth with such a system? From the age of twelve I began to suspect authority and distrust teachers."-Albert Einstein


I am ordinary as I believe myself to be. An ordinary female teenager who is tired of her life and is trying to find something new or unusual even. Everyday is a routine I can't stand anymore. Wake-up, eat, study, go home, eat, and ponder on why I can't control my own life then sleep. It's a cycle that I can't hold on to forever or else it will fly away my sanity.

I want to know what is the essence of every thing concrete and abstract that I encounter with real life not purely with papers. Primarily, It is often that I can't seek the lost concepts I wish to be found and with that I feel vulnerable, as if I am naked to every body's eyes. It might seem hyperbolized but not being able to quench my thirst makes the bulb inside me dwindle. I want to know why humans are greedy, uncontented, strange and selfish, I want to know why I was born human, I want to know why other people cannot think like I do, I want to know why the government officials can't do their duties properly and they can't solve the society's problem, I want to know why I want to know everything. Maybe it's because I don't really learn in school and maybe I fail to reach my teachers' expectations. Maybe I don't respect my teachers because they haven't earned it. Maybe they teach me the things I don't want to know. Maybe I don't want to live where in I have to have a damned paper that reflects the perfect scores I got from my seatmates paper, just to be successful. Maybe I want the school's faculty to realize that grades are merely numbers and stupid are the ones who use it as a basis for a person's aptitude because humans can't be measured by numbers unlike other objects. Or maybe I am just simply disordered like how I can't organize my sentences or thoughts when writing an essay and when I express myself.

Each time I wonder how other students survive by just following the teacher's lesson plan. They said that a human being practically needs to go to school to be prepared when they are in the right age to sustain their ownselves' necessities in the near future, but attending high school neither teach me how to pay the bills nor teach me how to handle land titles and how do I renew certain documents. I don't want to look dumb in the future asking, "If I build a house would an electric company will come right away to install electricity in my home?", "How do I start applying for passports?", "Where do I pay my water bills?" usually an educated person should know this right away but what if the education that was given to me is how electricity flows, parts of a passport, elements of a water and other useless lessons that I can't use in the future. In my opinion, the world we live in is never easy, it is something that you can't memorize then you survive. Being wise and having a lot of sense is the key in making it less difficult.

I am created by God to be special but my environment influences me to its mediocrity. I need that not to happen but I already did. My time is wasted with lessons I didn't know by heart and I believe which I have already forgotten. I know I am young and I want my existence to be something exceptional, remarkable and aberrated as much as possible. I want other people to know that breaking the rules has its perks, ache for something more liberatingly productive and be like a balloon filled up with ease.

"Cramming may see you through four years of college but it will screw you for the next forty years." a quote from the 3 idiots stated by the character Phunsukh Wangdu. I used to believe that knowing the truth is not deserved by some people and that only keen and open-minded human beings are worthy of this kind of wisdom and merit but I thought that I can't be selfish. Cognizance access all dimensions whilst ignorance suffocates the mind.