TRIBULATION

hurt \'hert\
:to cause pain or injury to (yourself, someone else, or a part of your body)
:to be a source or cause of pain

"I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."-Girl, Interrupted (1999)

Hurt is a very mysterious EMOTION for me. It dominates everything else. It sprouts like a big tree and shades us from the light and warmth that we deserve It consumes everything inside you like death. You become breathless, everything is dark and uncontrollable. It changes the perspective an individual owns to whole new different levels. And so the numb, hurt makes them feel even just for a bit because it is where it all started. Hurt is the hardest emotion to deny unlike sadness, some conceal it with a smile or happiness, some can contain it by staying still or maybe by smirking but how about hurt? Deny hurt and your hot tears also denies you. They burst all of a sudden without warning. It drowns us inside and out, making ourselves feel functionless for a certain time wherein we can't be strong anymore. Being emotionally hurt is overwhelming, to the point that we do crazy things and also be literally insane. Teenagers cut, rebel, or shut the world out. Adults, I'm not really in there yet but based on my observation, hurt crumples their ability to think straight.  


Been there done that.
  

I don't like to feel damaged nor wounded. It stays permanent for some severe reasons. It makes my eyes all swollen and red. My hearts pounding so hard that it is near to breaking, it pumps so much blood that everything is hot and the heat will make it much worse that it transports you to hell. I am in the state wherein I am incapable of being dauntless to face the things that I don't like to deal with but I for myself want to look strong for other people who are also hurt. I hate it a lot more because I can't pull off my expectations into reality for the fact that I am weak. I surrender with no effort for this bare feeling.

Wait, but don't you think that for a moment it's good to feel exposed even just for a day. A day that you let it all out and drain your bag full of tears and mold yourself into an immortal? Indestructible and stronger. I quote from Kelly Clarkson, "What doesn't kill you make you stronger". Though it's not easy but you have to, we have to. Don't let your world revolve around it. Leave something for yourself rather than self-pity. Yes, a day to ease the pain and an eternity to feel the love from the things that are worth it.